evolving eps 1: The art of forgiving and healing

Waking up with hatred towards oneself, -i was never this human, living with the past bitter experience and forgetting to cherish the beautiful ones -i would never do this to me, shedding down tears for the fleck of mess -i was never taught to be this weak, mental exhaustion, anxieties -i would never know its meaning and never would i ever accompany them, mind cluttered with heavy noises, can't dos, unusual thoughts -i would never let myself swell in learning more, melancholy mask facing the world and this feeling of having a void within -i would better skip this adulting process and always be a child; contended and sufficient.

A minor now being a legal adult and having this whole of transformation in every dimension of life- this is something for a 'change' trying to fulfil the necessity of it i write.  The art of forgiving and healing. Time is inevitable and so is death both of them have no mercy towards you. One will take all the form of memories and the other will take the resting home of memories. As a being whose cells and tissues metabolically, physically changes with every second and the graph of hormones, emotions will be losing its capacity to be linear, so will be the existing process-unpredictable, arbitrary and full of mystery. Actions today does mark in your present and tomorrow it is going to be a past. When we are in tomorrow, we cannot time travel to yesterday. Past is gone and living in past highlighting events as a point of view from a cynical is destructive to your present and this loop will run periodic if you don't stand for a 'change'.

So, now expanding lungs with more of fresh air-positivity and releasing the rest-negativity gently its time to fuel ourselves with the best. Forgive whatever the shit you have done in past. Leave no absolute freaking amount of time living in regrets. There is no time to sit back and regret. The only way you can move ahead is to shift your entire of attention and focus in working, carving, polishing the useful things. It might take you a bit of time and patience with but the outcoming results will heal you. In this process, you also might need a change may be through your eyes in the thoughts you perceive, the little of habits that constructs you, the exterior world around you, kick out all the pain in the ass that has been troubling you, clean your room and declutter things and thoughts that unnecessarily aches your heart heavy. Comfort yourself with little details which will drag and push you to change but a humble suggestion is to never live in comfort. Comfort is a drug, very addicting shit which will be a barrier for you to take up to more challenges next time -you know this stupid lil dopamine flush and its revolution of destruction. Remembering why you have started, forgiving and having no grudges against yourself, most importantly believing your roots and having strong mindset that you can do, applying the system and the result that will grow afterwards will construct you as a better human and certainly heal you. Time for work tadaa.