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the other side : rant session

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recently i suffered from any basic common cold and it has been a long while that i had medicine. I had forgotten the taste of the cough syrup and it was unusually bitter and a lot metallic that i still feel anorexic and i absolutely hate it. I isolated my body completely and slept for like straight around 20 hours because my body went so fatigue, i had lost my sense of mobility, i thought my lung was already filled with water and it would collapse at any time. At these times i feel the distance with my mom longer than it seemed to be, like her presence is the warmth that fuels me to stand straight but when you do not have them by your side it just awares me to recover soon as no one is saving my ass and i should get to work. So, its a hefty reminder as being the one in the bed then being at the side of the bed, the roles reversed and i feel like i should be caring enough to serve them that heals them easily with compassion (very debatable tho) and just buckle up and mould myself in a f...
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the walk of freedom : (cinema edition)

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Characters that stayed with me. I watched a movie 'The pianist' falling under genre war/drama and was so thrilled by the main lead, Adrien Brody, who gave his whole soul to the character, depicting it so well. As an audience even now, while reminiscing the scenes, it makes me elated. Not giving out any spoilers but at the end, the walk of returning after years of mental trauma was so captivating. Next stop of cinema is 'Queen', a Bollywood film, full of comedy and real-life happenings, the character Rani potrayed by Kangana Ranaut and the details associated with her from her rollercoaster ride to the ride of liberty is a must watch for me. 'Bulbbul' also an Indian cinema, I guess a little underrated movie under the genre of horror/thriller was a wonderful pick. The transition of various social happenings to destructing unpleasant norms by the main lead 'Bulbbul' depicted by Tripti Dmitri was a bliss to witness.Other exceptionally remarkable add ons are T...
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grief beneath grace

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trash the monologue and disappear travel miles away from the desire the story of the avoidant summer not claiming the identity of Jo the local writer cause penning down shall cast my beliefs my unheard opinions but also my griefs that I try to hide out in pack of these words but you smart and sharp to hear out loud at a certain age of this adulting we are mostly masked up in hiding in what we feel out of the sole innocence that if I share,   it will flee as your insignificance I better not bother you and keep it in me so you might discover the superficials but as a profound actor darling its all artificial may be the day you feel the echo of my pounding heartbeats and trembles on all emotions from this digital sheet you would distinguish the edge of my smile lines which narrated a story that never crossed over your mind laugh it loud and have fun were the settled rules so my silly jokes for you as an observant being I am were just to view the s...
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The story of scribbled walls in pediatrics : tiny hearts

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 A full circle moment of my very first posting in clinicals, started from gynae/obs and ending with pediatrics, from fetal life to development of a child. There are so many stories yet to be narrated in every bed of the patient i met except for the bits of chief complain we get to hear for diagnosis. But for some little, who doesn't know how to describe what she is going through, it just empties my heart with solace to see those little warriors battling in a room scribbled with cartoons but most importantly with a hope to win over.  Despite all those pain, being unable to narrate the story, they pass their little smiles and giggles to us, indicating how strong they are. Life feels very unfair and challenging here. They will reach through the light at the end of the tunnel, only the navigating journey seems to be a little rough.  A 4 year old girl, who was so cute, playing with her tiny green bangles of shrawan worn on her tiny hands sitting wisely, waiting for her mother ...
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Beauty of medicine : the first cry of life

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My first OT experience- as posted in gynae/obs i was unsure, all of a sudden i would be able to view the initial stage of someone starting his life with my naked eyes and that would forever change the world i viewed previously. Four minutes in, the baby was delivered while i rushed to the OT with a mismatched ot shoes, i heard the first cry which is not labelled as a grief but a joy. I saw somebody being a mother that day, on local aneasthesia, she had overcomed her labour pains with a joy of having the baby boy. I saw the mother being parted away where her cut open c-section was sewed again and soothed with a music "abhi abhi toh jindagi suru huwi hain". That was such a film based scene happen real to me and my eyes went wet, the way my heart felt for the scenic view of beauty of starting a life, i cannot do justice in words. With all the moment of tiny joys, there has been some shattering stories where i saw a man nearly in 30s hide his tears while going to the pharmacy, wh...
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victoric breathe - art of living

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Never knew being empty and hollow was a blessing until i got myself enrolled in the happiness program of the art of living. I had this vision of having this real pursuit of happiness until i got lesson-ed that being happy in what we do was important rather than finding one. I felt like i was being the sherlock holmes my whole life and it was me detecting, finding happiness and quantifying it as immeasurable or just as a limited edition when pursued.   little reflection on my mind & me- A medical degree itself was challenging and at the end of basics I did lose all my sanity lol. I had a constant fear always hung in the bottom of my heart and it just made me so restless at points where i would be numb on what i was going through and most of the times i pretended to be who i was not and let myself feel okay when i was struggling inside. I would want to be gentle to my surrounding but i had been so harsh on myself knowing the fact that i didn't derserve kati kura that i feel ...
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humans - slaves of situation

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On this journey, we have often stumbled our way across something we got that we didn't want. It may be every flinching response of an approaching stimuli to bursts of emotions at once. As modernization has ruled all over and the world lay across our fingertips, sustainability has been vigorously smooth as well as not so even to our eyes. There is an illusion set on how we view, how it was portrayed and how it has been received. World has subjectively been divided not to only the white and the black but the different shades of grey. The atmosphere is fumed with best and the worse, and we often linger around it. We have been a slave of situation, no matter we do accept it or not. Whether it be a natural or manmade calamities, to proffesional and personal feuds, it is the dominance of the environment against us. Within this system of slavery, the only rule that will fit is the well known "the survival of the fittest" at last. Fit in, rule out and make it happen the other w...
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